During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
