What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
