I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
