You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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