please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
