i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
