Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize