if i can run in heels then i can drive
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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