I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Randomize
