If i could tip my vagina, i would.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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