In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize