He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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