Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
