Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
