MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Randomize
