which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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