I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
