Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
