4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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