Pants 0. Shit 1.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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