dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
