WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
