Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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