i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
