No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize