My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
