honey bunches of taint.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize