I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
