I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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