I wannas sexs uuuuu
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
