I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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