It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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