i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
