Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
