Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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