I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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