You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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