Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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