Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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