No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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