Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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