God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
