I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
sarcasm needs its own font
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
