dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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