Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
