You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
