i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
