If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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