why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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