is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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