Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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