Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
