it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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