Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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