You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
