And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
