White coat. Heels.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
