Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize