Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
