we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
