I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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