Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
