So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
